what. just happened.

I’m really sorry if this is super rambly and makes little sense. I’m freakin’ out here.



So, Becca got me to sign up for a choral audition.

I wanted to see if I could get into a choir here…because I don’t sing often, at school, and I really miss it. At home I have the worship team at church every week, where I can sing…but I can’t do that here. And I miss it like crazy. So Becca convinced me to audition.

Auditions. I’m very familiar with them BUT ONLY IN THE DANCE WORLD! =P So. Yep. 

the audition just happened. I literally just got back from it about thirty seconds ago. I wanted to get into a choir-y thing called Collegium Musicum – it’s a madrigal choir, and they sing latin-y stuff and madrigals and Middle English and do Evensongs and things. Super spiffy. Right up my alley, no?

I somewhat surprised myself by not being nervous or afraid at all for the audition. I was quite nervous for it earlier this summer, but got someone to tell me some of what they do, and it wasn’t scary-sounding, so. I no was nervous. And that’s really weird to me. =P I mean, I’ve done tons of dance auditions before, and they don’t scare me at all anymore, usually. The only time I really get nervous is those last five seconds before my first entrance, when we’re doing a show. But that’s not scared-nervous, that’s too-excited-and-happy-for-words nervous. Anyhow.

So the audition was super super fun. And exciting. It was short – only like fifteen minutes. He had me singing scales and things, and then he’d play random combinations of notes that sounded dissonant or weren’t really a logical musical phrase and have me sing them back to him. That was a little bit tricky, but not bad. Then he asked me to sight-read a line of music, which was also a bit intimidating, but I did way better than I thought I would – only off on one note. yessssssss. Thanks you, suffering through piano lessons for so many years. ;)

The professor doing the auditions said he wasn’t sure is Collegium was actually going to run or not – there’s apparently a great shortage of male voices ;) But all through the audition, he seemed super impressed with my voice. 

Which is completely puzzling and mind-blowing and WHAT.

And he got me singing both higher and lower than I thought I could comfortably go, without any trouble at all. DOUBLE WHAT.

And afterward, he said I needed to take some voice lessons (which I’ve wanted to do for a great many years now), and said he really, really, really wanted me to join, not Collegium, or the Women’s Choir, or the other choirs like that, but the College Chapel Choir. 

At that point I think I just died. Inside. I’m also still dead currently.

The Chapel Choir is Hope’s most prestigious (I think) choral group. In my eyes, at least, and granted I don’t know a lot about singing here at Hope. But. Anyhow. They travel around (I dunno how far they travel – if they go in-state or in-country or what), and tons of singing, and cool stuff, and they’ve sung in chapel a few times, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ll ever hear, and I always really wished I could ever in a million years be half as good enough to get into it.

And now I don’t know what to do with myself.

Because Collegium fits in my schedule. The women’s choir mighttttt fit…I dunno. I kind of think it won’t – it’s during the day twice a week, and I may have classes then – I don’t even know my own schedule yet XD wups. The Chapel Choir meets four evenings a week. 

I would love, so, so, so much, to be a part of that. One, I know it would definitely grow my singing skills by a ton, and it would be challenging (very), and exciting. And two, the things they sing are beautiful and ever sine I first heard them I’ve wished I could do that. But I can’t. I really don’t think it would be a good idea for me, right now, to join something that is such a big commitment. I have a very busy schedule in terms of academic classes alone already, and then adding on top of that Sacred on saturdays, Sacred Leadership meetings once a week and responsibilities that go with being on leadership, working nine hours a week, hopefully auditioning for several dance performance opportunities (look up Grand Rapids Art Prize. The dance department is joining up with English and Music departments to do a piece there. I reallllly wanna audition. SO MUCH FUN. so insaneee in terms of rehearsals. But it only goes until fall-break-ish. So. and then student dance concert, faculty dance concert, nutcracker, etc.), and co-leading a bible study (which means I’m both in a bible study and helping lead a different bible study), and…I feel like I’m missing something. Or maybe two things.

I can’t even keep my own life straight as it is. Joining a choir that meets four evenings a week and travels…is a really bad idea.

But if I don’t do that, and Collegium doesn’t happen, and the women’s choir is at the same time I have classes at…

then I gonna be really sad.

Geez. I got up the nerve to go audition. I SHOULD GET SOMETHING OUT OF THIS RIGHT??

Also, he said I had amazing potential, and my voice had a great range, and lots of power and control that could be built on and made better, and he was impressed with my sight reading (what. when is that EVER a thing.), and he really, really wanted me in a choir. 

I don’t get it.


now I don’t know what to do with myself.

…I suppose step one is to figure out what, exactly, my schedule really is…

since it all starts tomorrow, you know.

golly gee. tomorrow is first day of classes.

well. yep. that’s my cue to go find a rock to hide under. brb.


15 Comments Add yours

  1. Girl what have I been telling you. For years. I’m kinda mad that Becca got you to do something when your own sister couldn’t, but whatever. I’m mostly just happy for you.


    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      Becca dragged me kicking and screaming.
      Well not quite literally kicking and screaming. but the idea’s the same.
      The difference here is that Becca’s done it before – so she could tell me exactly what the audition would look like, and thus make most of the hesitation on my part go away. If it weren’t for all the singing and music me and you have done together, I still wouldn’t have gone. It’s because I feel confident singing that I did audition – and I feel confident singing because of how much you’ve helped me with it and worked with me and told me to just let ‘er rip. figuratively. ;)
      So, you got me originally wanting really badly to audition. I hadn’t done it yet though because I didnt’ know what I could expect in the audition, and the unknown terrifies me in situations like this. Becca’s being able to tell me what would happen made my last excuse not to audition go away.
      It’s not ALL Becca’s fault.
      I get to blame you too. :D
      And Mrs. McKee. I get to blame her a lot also. She is, after all, the one who really got me thinking of singing as something I could be good at and give to others as a gift in the first place.


      1. Lulu says:

        beka u loser


  2. CKG says:

    I’m tearing up…….! Not much help, I know, but thought I would share that anyway!


    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      Daddy, you’re great. =D


  3. Lulu says:

    You said they were looking for male voices, I could put Hope on my college list just tell them I need some persuasive scholarships.


    1. AnnaEstelle says:



  4. grannyandpoppy says:

    Anna, you need to clone yourself! Remember “Duplicity”? Granny



  5. vtgrandview says:

    Well…..this morning I prayed that God would open doors of opportunity for y.o.u. Looks like that door is WIDE open!


    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      Too wide…now I dun know what to do. o_O


  6. joctavianr says:

    See . . . I tell you that you ae a good writer and convince you to submit ONE thing, and you win honorable mention in an incredibly well-known competition. Your family tells you that you’re good at photography, and you submit two photos and have them both published AND get a wedding photography gig to boot. your friend convinces you to try out for singing and you blow your expectations out of the water and succeed as well as you possibly could.
    You need to start giving yourself some credit. I doubt your successful audition surprises anyone who has ever heard you sing–except you. =p

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      You be quiet. =P

      …but I suppose you’re right…


      1. joctavianr says:

        Wait. That was way too easy to convince you. I take it back . . . don’t want to build your ego ; )


        1. AnnaEstelle says:



  7. Lulu says:

    *hands Justin dog treat*



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