Well. I’m officially here. Have been for several days.
I’m going to apologize right now, folks, because you may be hearing very little from me, this semester, at least. I don’t know for sure – we’ll see how my schedule plays out. But for the first few weeks, at least, I’m going to be (and have been) too busy to even be able to do important things online like check my school email, much less write blog posts.
This semester is going to be insane, and one of the hardest yet. I’m pretty dang sure.
You also may not be hearing from me much, though, this first semester, not only because I am incredibly busy and stressed out and terrified of all my classes (yes, I said all), but also because I am very happy. My apartment is great. My kitchen is great. My church is great. My professors are great. And, most importantly and best of all, my roommate is very dear to me, and ever so much more than just great. It is mainly because of this last fact that I may not have much of an online presence this semester. I have absolutely no reason to check facebook, because I’m living with the only one I ever communicated with via that social network anyway. I have (currently, at least) little desire to post rants and worries on my blog because I would much rather talk about the things I have to rant and worry about with her, and thus have no need to publicize them on the internet. I don’t have as much time to spend emailing people because I am perfectly content with where I am right now and don’t need to cling quite so tightly to other places far away.
That’s not to say I don’t love you all, miss you all, think about you all, wish I could see you and be with you all, or pine after home and familiarity at all. I do. Every day. But this semester, I don’t think I will need to use my blog so much as an outlet for such things, because there is someone right here, who I share a room with and cook with and go to classes with and spend time with, who will listen to me much better than the silence of the technological void ever has. Because you know, real people answer back. That’s much more than my blog, or my journal, has ever done.
Real people also answer me back through the comments of my blog too, I know. But the immediacy and comfort of having someone sitting right next to me kind of beats out the little avatars and typed sentences that go along with long-distance communication, you know? No offense or anything. But it’s nice to have a friend who I can actually, you know, hug. What.
That said, I LOVE YOU ALL. I am merely trying to explain to you the possible reasons for my probable mostly-silent-ness. Don’t hate me.
These days of job-training (Writing Assistant, yo) have been brutal. This afternoon we have our last session…then NO MORE TRAINING HALLELUJAH. I’m so happy about that. I don’t really know if I have actually learned anything in training…I think mostly what I have taken away from it is fear, honestly. And some feelings of oh-my-gosh-who-the-heck-thought-this-was-a-good-job-for-me-I’m-way-too-naive-for-this. you know. All good things. *facepalm* I know it will be fun, often. I know I can do it. I’ve been doing things like this with siblings and friends for a long time. I know I am smart enough for it. In theory.
We ran a few mock sessions on sample papers taken from random sources. One of them was apparently full of racism. Me being both an idiot and naive and pretty well separated from things like that my whole life, I completely didn’t pick up on it at all. I mean, the paper dealt with race and minorities and poverty. Yea. I got that. But I’m not smart, or experienced, enough to know when that crosses from an okay discussion to racial slurs.
I suppose hanging out with Luke and his racist jokes didn’t do as much damage as it could have.
We’re supposed to pick up on things like that, and help the student fix it. Me? I’m going to bet it all goes over my head entirely.
Another paper we did had a bunch of logical errors. Arguments that didn’t make sense, or weren’t to the point, things like that. Again, I didn’t pick up on it. I would have, if I had had more time to look at the sentences closely and figure out what it was saying and trying to say. but we don’t get that – we get five minutes to skim the paper and then it’s go time and we give comments and suggestions and help and things. Five minutes is not enough time for me to read a paper, study it, and determine which arguments are connecting and which are useless. What the heck. I’m not smart enough for this. My brain is not fast enough for this. WHY AM I DOING THIS.
Oh right. Yea. I remember. That would be my fault. I am, after all, the one who applied for the bloody job, aren’t I?
so. Training is nearly done, and my mind is turned to mush and I’m pretty bloody terrified of my job now. But it’ll be fun. Maybe. Once I get used to it.
It can’t be any worse than the Phonathon.
I think it’s actually going to be about the same as the Phonathon was, for the first month at least.
but it will get better, because I love writing, and I will get to see more papers, and read more arguments, and will begin to learn how to pick up on things like invalid arguments and racism and stuff.
Also grammar. I definitely understand grammar far better in German now than I do in English. Which is probably bad. Dr. Cunningham (our boss, and one of my German profs) was trying to explain some grammar thing to us, and no one was grasping what he was saying, myself included…then he gave an example of it in German (a couple of us WAs were in his class), and I was like OH DUH YES THATS SO EASY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.
this is a problem.