Boom. Sums everything up. You need read no further.
Tonight is the housing draw for next semester. I don’t have a roommate. Kinda freaked out by this. Am I going to just end up with whatever random person happens to pick the same room as me? I mean, at least this year they had paired me with someone who they thought would be…compatible. =P But like. …I’m disturbed. -_- AND idk where I want to live. Well, I kind of do. But I also really…don’t…=P I don’t want to be in a dorm which has guys in it, really. Even if it is…segregated…by floor. Still. Guys freak me out…sometimes…*cough* *grins* But. Yea. Idk. Ahhh. HELP.
And registration for next semester opened today, and I don’t register until wednesday, and I’m sitting here watching my classes fill up. -_- stresssss…=P
Back to the topic at hand. =P
I find that in this whole process of thinking about college for next year…I’m forgetting a lot of things.
I’m forgetting the reasons I came to Hope in the first place:
- Every other college on my list ended up a closed door.
- Hope was the only school that had (from what we could tell) a really good dance program.
- Hope accepted the most of my Belhaven credits out of all the places I applied. And they accepted the credits as counting toward some core classes, rather than only toward electives, like the other schools.
- Hope was/is marginally less expensive than the other places. (the fact that they offered me less scholarship money than the other places kind of negates that, but it’s still a fact…=P).
- Hope also had a good writing program (not a huge factor involved in bringing me here, but still definitely a factor).
I’m forgetting the way I felt about Hope originally, the first months of school:
- The campus was beautiful, and not too big.
- The dance studios pretty much made me drool (especially 207. so much spaceeeee…)
- The other students were incredibly friendly.
- The dance classes were amazing and so, so wonderfully unlike what I got at Stowe in terms of atmosphere.
- There was such a feeling of God’s presence everywhere (except, ironically, in my religion classes, but we won’t mention those…=P), and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this place was the right spot for me to be.
I’m forgetting the good things about Hope that are NOW:
- I know some people. I have a few *gasp* friends. Shocker. Anna with face-to-face, real-life friends. Who ever would have guessed…=P (btw, TPSers, I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE CRAZY. Our original “Jsutin and co.” group needs a reunion so badly…*sad face*)
- It’s a Christian campus. And it is so. good. to be on a Christian campus.
- There are a lot of exciting dance classes waiting for me (I’m hopefully going to take Folk/Social/Swing Dance next semester, if I’m back here).
- There are also Photography and Guitar/Voice classes, which is exciting (not that I will ever have free credit hours to take any of them. But they are HERE. I can dream, right? =P).
- And most importantly (ok, maybe not MOST…but VERY…) There is…*cue drumroll*…a J. R. R. Tolkien And Medieval Literature class next semester that fulfills a requirement for a writing major. OHYES. THISISFANTASTIC.
I’m forgetting the good things about Hope for the future:
- I can graduate a semester early, and mayyyyybe even a year early, because of the credits they accepted.
- I may be able to room with another dancer/friend some year.
- There are a lot of dance performance opportunities, through which I can grow my repertoire and my resume, and become more skilled at learning from differing choreographers.
- Dance companies come to campus pretty frequently and hold auditions. Even if I don’t want to join any of them, it’s really really good experience.
- I’m excited about what the writing program has to offer. Really excited.
Basically…I’m forgetting how blessed I am to be here, and how God has brought me here. I’m forgetting that Hope is a good place.
Also, I’m not letting myself like it here. I keep driving myself crazy thinking about the bad things about Hope. But I need to think about the good things too. And really, I like it here.
I applied to Johnson State College and they offered me a bigger scholarship. It’s a good $7,000 less expensive per year if I go to Johnson, including travel costs and every other expense my wonderful parents can think of (My dad has a spreadsheet. Trust the spreadsheet. Stick with the spreadsheet and you’ll go places).
I visited Johnson over spring break. I have been on that campus a LOT before, since that’s where Stowe Dance Academy performed every spring. The theater there…is kind of like a home away from home. I love it to death, concrete-dungeon-dressing-rooms-and-myths-of-being-haunted and all. So, so many amazing, precious memories tied up in that theater <3 But I’ve never been there as a prospective student. So it was really interesting to visit. But man, I don’t want to go there. =P
I think the biggest thing is that it’s not a christian school, and…idk how good the academics are. We’re talking a bunch of backwoods Vermonters, people. The prof for the class I sat in on came in wearing dirty sweat pants with holes, a too-big sweat shirt, and a knit beanie hat. And he gave a test in class, on which the question which was worth the most points was, “Tell me something about the reading so I know you read it.” *TPSer in me shrivels up and dies*
So yea. I also applied to Tyndale, in Canada. “What?? Canada!” you say? Yes, Canada. Apparently almost all colleges in Canada are less expensive than colleges in the US. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS? And why don’t they tell you this right off the bat instead of waiting until you figure it out after you’ve already been in college a year? =P Even though it sounds like it’s eons away from my house, since it IS in a different country…it’s actually less than half as far away from home as Hope is XD But. Idk anything about that school. And there’s no dance there. So. Idk. I researched Canadian colleges in a moment of desperation over break. =P
So yea. That’s all I have to say now. I still don’t know what I’m going to do next year. But…I think I want to come back here. I don’t know if I WILL or not. But this is a good place. And even if I don’t really like it…don’t like being so far from home, don’t like taking classes that don’t teach me much, don’t like doing this whole stupid college thing at all because why do I need to go to college if all I really want to do is get married and have a house and family of my own…even if all that stuff. College doesn’t have to be fun. It isn’t supposed to be all excitement and loving every minute and doing amazing things twice a day that you could never do at home. It doesn’t have to be like that. I’m not saying it CAN’T be like that. It definitely can, and I know people who have college experiences like that. But it won’t be that way for everyone, and no matter where I go to college I know I won’t be 100% happy. Because it’s not HOPE college I don’t like. It’s college in GENERAL. I don’t like being away from home. I don’t like not being a TPSer anymore. I don’t like not living with my family. I don’t like being constantly surrounded by thousands of people who are within three years of my age. I don’t like having to take a bus to the foodstore and eat in the cafeteria and walk all over campus just to do anything. I don’t like having literally not a single moment alone ever (praise God for three-day-weekends when my room mate leaves). I don’t like it.
But that’s what college is. Any college, anywhere. And that’s ok. it doesn’t have to be the most amazing years of my life. I don’t have to stress out about finding the right college that will give me an experience beyond anything I’ve ever imagined. I don’t have to worry about that. I can just settle here, or wherever I end up, and do the work, and learn what I can, and steal privacy whenever possible, and eat as many meals alone as I can, and keep out of trouble, and be that mostly-invisible girl in the corner, and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. College can be a life-changing experience for some people. But for other people, maybe it’s just a means to an end. And it doesn’t matter, really, where that means to the end takes place. Because it’s about the outcome, not about the experience. For me, at least. And that’s ok.
…and as a side note, I really hate April 1st. I mean. Who invented this?? -_-