In which I indulge in a rant about girliness. >_< SOMEONE SAVE ME

Ok. I just spent the last hour standing in the makeup aisle in Meijer, completely overwhelmed. I mean, seriously, I think I’m scarred for life. Never. Doing. That. Again. Next time I’m in a performance, if they don’t like my makeup, THEY CAN BUY ME MORE THEMSELVES! I will, Lord willing, never be found alive in a makeup aisle again in my life. You’ll have to drag me there kicking and screaming and then tie me up and duct tape me to the floor to get me to stay.

First question: Why. So. Many. CHOICES??!!?? How many different shades of red, pink, brown, and tan can you think of? Ok. Now multiply that by nine and a half thousand, and you’ll have ALMOST as many different shades of lipstick as there are. And all of them have really. really. really. stupid. names. I mean, if you’re going to have so many options, at least name them something INTERESTING! And how in the world am I supposed to CHOOSE one of those many different colors when my only guidance is “slightly darker”??? Ok. So that narrowed down my options from eighteen milling to eleven million. Thanks a bunch. SO HELPFUL!! Not. …and I won’t even MENTION the eyeshadow. Because there you not only have natural colors, YOU ALSO HAVE ANY AND EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW IN EVERY SINGLE SHADE POSSIBLE!

Second question: Why. So. Many. UNHELPFUL DIRECTIONS??? So there’s makeup for Asian people, makeup for African-American people, makeup for Mexican people, makeup for French people, makeup for short people, makeup for tall people, makeup for people with green eyes, makeup for people with blond hair, makeup for people with serious issues (sparkly neon lime-green eyeshadow that looks like nailpolish? O_o), makeup for people who want to look like they aren’t wearing makeup, makeup for people who want to look like they are wearing way too much makeup, makeup for Lilliputians, makeup for Time Lords, makeup for that weird race of creature I invented when I was six and haven’t thought of until this moment that resembles something like a blue duck crossed with a chimpanzee, makeup for…yea, you get the point. WHY IS THERE NO MAKEUP FOR NORMAL WHITE AMERICAN GIRLS OF AVERAGE BUILD WITH AVERAGE HAIR AND AVERAGE EYES WHO WANT TO LOOK AVERAGE????? -____- And also, why is there only pricetags on SOME of the makeup? Suspicious? Um, yes. Like a lot.

Third question: Speaking of prices. I walked out of there with over $40.00 less to my name. I bought five things. WHAT IS THIS?? And why was there a rack of lipstick that cost two dollars right next to a rack of identical lipstick that cost nine dollars? More suspicion. I’m telling you, we can’t trust these people.

Fourth question: Why do they sell fake eyelashes, BUT NOT THE GLUE WITH WHICH THEY ARE APPLIED?? Make sense to you? Didn’t think so. (and actually, I didn’t invent a creature that looks like a blue duck crossed with a chimpanzee. it was actually just a maroon horse-ish-thing that had a purple tail.)

Fifth question: Why do people DO this to themselves? I mean, really. I’ve always said I don’t like makeup and will probably not wear it on a regular basis. But you know what…I’ve changed my mind. I absolutely positively will not EVER wear makeup for anything other than dance performances, if only because it COSTS so much. Not to MENTION the fact that they make makeup-buying a nightmarish and terrorizing experience! I’ll never be the same again!!!

 

 

Sorry. I’m still a little crazed. I think it’s going to take me a few days to recover. On a good note, I found some Meijer brand soymilk that cost a whole dollar less than the normal brand. We’ll see if it tastes the same or if they’re trying to poison me. I don’t trust this store anymore. It tried to kill me, right there in the makeup aisle! O_O

Emily…I commend you for your bravery. I hear you’ve survived the makeup aisle before. You deserve a medal.

And see…this is why I need to go home now…I need my Mommy to save me and buy my makeup for me. 0_0 help.

 

 

…and after I had finally come to a decision on which shade of eyeshadow to choose and was leaving the makeup aisle, I made the mistake of turning around and looking back. NEVER DO THIS. It might kill you. Because you see…in turning around, I realized that there were not one, but THREE walls of makeup. I just about started crying. And then I fled. NOT LOOKING.

It’s like the Weeping Angels, only backwards…look at it, AND IT SUCKS OUT YOUR SOUL AND YOU DISAPPEAR NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN.

Never. Doing. That. Again.

Excuse me. I’m just going to go crawl under my bed with my security blanket and hide in the dark corner in the back and dissolve into a shivering blob of jello…brb.

 

Edit: Oh, and guess what. It turns out that lipstick is actually NOT the same color that it looks like it is judging by the sticker on the end. It’s like, three shades brighter when you actually put it on. GUESS WHAT. I’M NOT GOING BACK AND GETTING MORE. LIVE WITH IT, WORLD. I LIKE LOOKING LIKE A PORCELAIN FREAK, YOU HEAR ME?? You wanted enhanced natural makeup. THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE GETTING. And come on, it’s a whole shade darker (according to the label) than the lipstick I have from my shows with Stowe. Ok? so it is darker. Theoretically. It just…doesn’t LOOK darker. BUT IT IS. DEAL WITH IT.

I repeat…why do people do this to themselves?? -_-

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. Lulu says:

    This made me rofl so hard.

    And on another note… A grown woman who can’t buy makeup o__o good luck with that.

    Like

    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      WELL I’M GLAD SOMEBODY IS HAPPY. I’m traumatized for life. 0_0

      and I suppose it IS sad…but really. After this experience, I WILL NEVER BUY IT AGAIN. So it won’t matter that I have less than no clue what I am doing. >_< Someone shootmenow. i.e. shoot that blob of quivering jello that is still hidden under the bed weeping…

      Like

  2. Anna, your makeup purchasing experiences might go a lot better if you go to Kohls, Ulta, or some place else that has people there trained to help you find the right makeup. You can often get a free makeover at these places and the sales people will tell you exactly what they are doing and how they are doing it (aided by a mirror) so that you can recreate it later. They will also give you tips on what shades work best for your completion, hair color, and eye color. And then you can go to a cheaper place like Meijer and buy the makeup xD (although, the sales people at the other places might not like you very much if you don’t buy at least a little something after they take all the time to help you).

    Like

    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      One problem…I don’t have transportation, and even if I did, if I tried to drive on these Michigan roads I would probably kill someone, most likely me. XD hehe =P But I would like to go somewhere and have someone who actually knows what they are doing tell me how to like…go about this. Because even though I REALLY (*cough*) don’t ever plan on wearing makeup like EVER (*ahem*) it’s a good skill to have…especially since I am, after all, female…and almost 29…and yea…*glares at makeup in general*
      And wait. …did you just saw Meijer was…cheaper? …*cough*…I don’t even want to know…O___o
      =P

      Like

  3. Bessie Lark says:

    I’ve worn foundation and blush about three non-consecutive days in my entire life. I’ve never even been in the makeup aisle except to look at nail polish. And I love this post. :)

    Like

    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      Nail polish is also evil. -___-

      Like

      1. Bessie Lark says:

        The only thing evil about nail polish is waiting for it to dry. That and applying it to my right hand with my left hand when I’m right-handed. But have you seen the colors??? *happy sigh* I’d buy them all just to stare at them…particularly the blues. <3333

        Like

  4. ~Robin says:

    haha I am extraordinarily busy today with a service to lead and a huge test to study and take and I still took time to read this entire post…:P it made me laugh…:P

    Like

    1. AnnaEstelle says:

      *grins at you* We always were capital procrastinators, weren’t we? Glad I could help. *beams*

      …~;)

      Like

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