Hello to all of you who read my blog. …I actually have no idea how many people that is. Um. anyway. =P
This post is going off the last giant rant I posted not too long ago, about college. I am not going to air more of my opinions, vent more of my frustration, or complain about the world as it is in greater detail this time, however. You’re in luck ;) I just have one request.
Please, will you pray for me?
As a few of you know, I’ve been looking at colleges again over the past weekish. Less expensive colleges that are closer to home. The closer the better. Bottom line, I wanna get out of here. =P But, and here comes the entire point of this post, I don’t want to do it if this is where I’m supposed to be. If this is the place God has called me to, for my college education, then…against nearly everything in my heart, I want to stay here. I want to follow God’s plan, but I don’t know what that is.
I have been praying really, really hard over the past week that God would make His will known to me. that if Hope College is not where He wants me, that He will take away my comfort in such a painful way that I cannot help but recognize it. And that if this is where He wants me, that He will give me an overwhelming peace like nothing I have ever felt before, that again, I cannot help but recognize it. I’m really, really bad at telling if I’m just happy because I had a fun dance class and ate lunch with cool people, or if I’m happy because Hope is right. Or the other way around, I can’t tell if I’m just UNhappy because it’s night and I’m tired and I learned in Psychology last semester that at the end of the day everyone feels more depressed than they did in the afternoon, or if I’m unhappy because Hope isn’t the right place after all. I like extremes, when it comes to decision-making. Because I hate decision-making. =P
Right now, I don’t know. I don’t know where I stand, or where God stands, in this. I don’t know if I like it here or not. I don’t know if God is giving me peace or telling me to skedaddle on out of here and go somewhere else. If I go somewhere else another complication arises, in the form of “Ok. So what do I major in now?” because the less expensive colleges don’t really have dance programs. And if Hope isn’t the right place for me…then what is? And do I switch to a college that is closer to home but which costs the same as (or more than) Hope and doesn’t have as good a dance program, or do I switch to a college in my state that is much less expensive and that doesn’t have dance at all? Is the money more important to me than dance? Is being close to home more important than the money? Is dance more important than either of those?
I have no idea.
So I’m asking you, please…will you pray for me? Will you pray that God would show me unavoidably whether Hope is where I should be? And if not, that He would direct me towards choosing another college that is right, and help me decide just how important to me dance really is? Will you pray that I will not be swayed by my own ideas and that I will have the courage and the strength to say Yes to whatever God’s answer is? Because me? I just want to go home. I really, really hope that continuing at Hope College is not God’s design for me. But if it is, I really, really want to have the courage to go along with Him anyway. Because He knows what He’s doing, and I have no idea.
So please, will you, can you, pray for me?
And praise God that at least Someone knows what He’s doing.