A cry for prayers

Hello to all of you who read my blog. …I actually have no idea how many people that is. Um. anyway. =P

This post is going off the last giant rant I posted not too long ago, about college. I am not going to air more of my opinions, vent more of my frustration, or complain about the world as it is in greater detail this time, however. You’re in luck ;) I just have one request.

 

Please, will you pray for me?

 

As a few of you know, I’ve been looking at colleges again over the past weekish. Less expensive colleges that are closer to home. The closer the better. Bottom line, I wanna get out of here. =P But, and here comes the entire point of this post, I don’t want to do it if this is where I’m supposed to be. If this is the place God has called me to, for my college education, then…against nearly everything in my heart, I want to stay here. I want to follow God’s plan, but I don’t know what that is.

I have been praying really, really hard over the past week that God would make His will known to me. that if Hope College is not where He wants me, that He will take away my comfort in such a painful way that I cannot help but recognize it. And that if this is where He wants me, that He will give me an overwhelming peace like nothing I have ever felt before, that again, I cannot help but recognize it. I’m really, really bad at telling if I’m just happy because I had a fun dance class and ate lunch with cool people, or if I’m happy because Hope is right. Or the other way around, I can’t tell if I’m just UNhappy because it’s night and I’m tired and I learned in Psychology last semester that at the end of the day everyone feels more depressed than they did in the afternoon, or if I’m unhappy because Hope isn’t the right place after all. I like extremes, when it comes to decision-making. Because I hate decision-making. =P

Right now, I don’t know. I don’t know where I stand, or where God stands, in this. I don’t know if I like it here or not. I don’t know if God is giving me peace or telling me to skedaddle on out of here and go somewhere else. If I go somewhere else another complication arises, in the form of “Ok. So what do I major in now?” because the less expensive colleges don’t really have dance programs. And if Hope isn’t the right place for me…then what is? And do I switch to a college that is closer to home but which costs the same as (or more than) Hope and doesn’t have as good a dance program, or do I switch to a college in my state that is much less expensive and that doesn’t have dance at all? Is the money more important to me than dance? Is being close to home more important than the money? Is dance more important than either of those?

I have no idea.

So I’m asking you, please…will you pray for me? Will you pray that God would show me unavoidably whether Hope is where I should be? And if not, that He would direct me towards choosing another college that is right, and help me decide just how important to me dance really is? Will you pray that I will not be swayed by my own ideas and that I will have the courage and the strength to say Yes to whatever God’s answer is? Because me? I just want to go home. I really, really hope that continuing at Hope College is not God’s design for me. But if it is, I really, really want to have the courage to go along with Him anyway. Because He knows what He’s doing, and I have no idea.

So please, will you, can you, pray for me?

 

 

And praise God that at least Someone knows what He’s doing.

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Tiberius Shift says:

    I’m praying for you. *nods*

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  2. ~Robin says:

    “And praise God that at least Someone knows what He’s doing”
    amen Anna…..amennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
    I am taking time right now to pray for you. I know your heart and where you stand, and…it pains me because I knowww…I really feel your anguish in it and I will lift that to Him.
    I can’t sleep either…:P I’ve surfed your blog two or three times today already ; )
    I encourage you to really pursue Him through reading your Bible. Discipline yourself to do it. Regardless of what you feel like or what else is on your plate, I promise you, you’re starving. And if you don’t eat of the Bread of Life and drink of the Living Water consistently….you will hurt, you will be parched, you will feel empty and like you’re in the middle of the desert with no direction and no refreshment. But deserts are not a curse from God. They are a blessing if you actually look at it. Those are the times when all else is stripped away and it is crystal clear before you your own humbleness and the greatness of God and that He IS the ONLY one who can satisfy, the only place to go. Those are the times He draws us close to Him. I’ve been trying to learn to rejoice in the times of desert….and to look all the more for Him, see more through His eyes, and search after Him in His word.
    Remember when we went through Isaiah together? There were a million promises in that book. Why don’t you go seek them out again, write them down, and pray over each one of them. Really seek Him. Oftentimes the Lord chooses to not reveal Himself to us until we are broken before Him, falling on our knees acknowledging His greatness and our humble estate.
    In His Grip
    Josiah

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  3. Bessie Lark says:

    Definitely praying, Anna. And Josiah’s advice is sound and good and you should take it.

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  4. Lalaithiel says:

    I’ll be praying!

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  5. grannyandpoppy says:

    Anna,

    I have been praying for you in a generic sort of way, as I pray for all my grandchildren. But I’ll ” up the ante “. But maybe God isn’t going to tell you what to do. Maybe He wants you to make that decision for yourself. One way to do that is to take a sheet of paper, divide it down the middle. On one side write all the pros of going to that college and on the other side write the cons. When you have things written down , it is easier to think about them. Don’t make them long and involved, make them short and to the point. A few words on each line. Also ,when you are having a good time, enjoy it, don’t question it. An idea to think about is studying English, literature, writing, leading to teaching or working for a magazine, book publisher, internet site,etc. You can always do dancing on the side. Hope this helps a little, but remember you have to make the decision- other people can not make it for you.

    Love and prayers, Granny

    ________________________________

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  6. There’s something to be said about, ‘living in the moment’. You may want to just, ‘live each day’ and don’t worry about the future. When you have a fun, learning day be happy about it. College is supposed to be a fun time. Don’t over analyze. Most students change their majors 2-3 times and then do something else when they graduate. You obviously love dance – so I say, no dance, not good. Maybe you should decide on an interesting major first- go where they have it (for less money hopefully) — and also have a dance program. Maybe not as good as Hope’s – but a dance program. Or if you can’t find one less expensive – stay at Hope and find an interesting major!! I’d say don’t sacrifice dance entirely. You won’t be happy.
    Poppy

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  7. joctavianr says:

    I will keep you in my prayer, as always, Anna. I hope that you are able to find the wisdom to make the right choice and that you don’t choose either one option or another for ease or to please another’s view. I hope that you can find the truly best choice and the one that will lead you to the best future.

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  8. AnnaEstelle says:

    Thank you so much, guys. Your support means the world. =)

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  9. Dragonslayer says:

    I’ll be praying as well.

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  10. Annika says:

    Saw this a little late…praying for you. =)
    -Annika (from TPS)

    Like

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